so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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