I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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