Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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