I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
