i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
