then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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