I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
now i know why i became what i already was.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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