Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
