so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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