we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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