it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Randomize
