Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
