someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
