I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
