Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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