Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
