Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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