i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Randomize