Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
