why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
