Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
