I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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