i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
