I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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