I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
