ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
its not stalking. its research.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Randomize
