dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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