hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
