smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
