You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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