If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
