She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
