There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
