idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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