What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My bed smells like the plague
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
