just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
