I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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