dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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