i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
