Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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