How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize