I skipped work to stalk him.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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