best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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