Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
