Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
