News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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