break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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