I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
