I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
