I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
