And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
