omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
