It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
