I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
