Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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