It's like a parade of train wrecks.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Randomize
