you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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