She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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