did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
