no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
