we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
