Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
