No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
