It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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