rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
This is my gift to your gina
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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