You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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