My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
