Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just puked most of my soul out..
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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