I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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