at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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