You made me cry and you don't even care
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
