I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
