It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Is it penis luge time yet?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
