I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
