It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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