Joe is yelling at the trees again.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
