I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I need to align my fucking chakras
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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