Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize