The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
