I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
