I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
what the fuck happened to the tacos
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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