Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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