Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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