why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
