you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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