he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
How does one acquire holy water?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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