According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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