Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
id be glad to
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
