Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
