she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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