Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
