Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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