so that wasnt chicken after all
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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