i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
