So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
