At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
