if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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