Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
