Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
