i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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