if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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