I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
