His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Come see our sink grown plant.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
