PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Randomize
