Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
