I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
