if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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