I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize